Toxic workplace

Job Opening: PART-TIME ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT

Ready to join an upbeat team with a mission? Well, look away, because this isn’t it!

Small, downtown SF office looking for a part-time administrator! This person will play an integral role in the company’s day-to-day functioning, as well as take on additional projects, such as nursing themselves from the loss of inflated PEUC benefits. We need someone who can be impeccable despite a long line of “peccable” predecessors. Common sense is required, as well as a can-do attitude.

Job specifications:

• Ability to mind read when assisting the Vice President in assisting the President.

• Ability to work hard and play hard (in their free time, this is not a Chuck E Cheese)

• Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook, Adobe PDF

• Ability to micromanage details in a fast-paced environment

• Bachelor’s degree required, Master’s preferred

Diversity and Inclusion statement:

So much more than a job. Other companies try to buy this in you with snacks and beer, but here, we really mean it.

The stars rustle; a train rips the silence with its howl, distant and lonely. You, a teenage runaway, sit at the station with your duffle bag warming your lap. It has been a while since you last washed your hair, and the grease pinches at your scalp. This is the vision of freedom: dirt under your fingernails; cold, always cold. Any rustling grass could be your path in the dark.

            A shape moves in the distance—was that a silhouette? Suddenly, you have never felt more alone. Your phone chimes—it’s your mother, who you never wanted to see again. But it’s cold, and you swear you can make out the eyes of the shape in the distance.

         We face the same turning point today—the artist or the caravan. PEUC benefits are ending, as well as the freedom to work from wherever you want. Come home, your mother writes. The stars, which once seemed limitless, are now exactly that, and your petty dreams are whisked away as is the steam from your breath.  Life is an aberration; awareness a clasp. We hide behind the glare of our computer screens; the neon lights chase bad thoughts away like bells do demons. You’re always at your desk anyway, why not do it in your cubicle where you also get paid?

            Come home. Why did you ever leave in the first place?

So much more than a job. Other companies try to buy this in you with snacks and beer, but here, we really mean it.

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